Fix yourself just to break again.

So its been quite some time since I wrote in here. I believe that to be the fault of schooling and a social life. I know, lame. Well- I dont know if this was before or after, but I had a boyfriend. Yeah, had. He was a wreck, but so was I. He found me when I was at what I thought to be my lowest point. I loved a man who hated to be in public with me, and I seemed to let him treat me badly.
Well- this boy found me. His name was Serg. We dated for almost 10 months and we were "madly in love". I did things with him that I swore I wouldnt do till marriage. I dont regret them, I just wish I wouldve waited.
I dont care about that stuff though- we broke up almost 3 weeks ago. He's been more of a wreck then ever. I broke him. Or as he says, I ruined his life. I broke up with him and he lost it. He does drugs, drinks, smokes, and doesnt eat. He doesnt care for living, and can't ever see himself with another woman (or man for that matter) for the rest of his life.
What does this leave me with? Guilt? Pain? Sorrow? No.
This leaves me with confusion. He was always the stronger one in the relationship. He was always the one to be there when I was down, and strong when others where weak. By the way he was the whole time we were dating you could never see this type of attitude coming. So when this kind of reaction came out of what I did to him, I still stand confused.
At first we were akward around eachother. He was bi-polar. Going from extreme hatred, yelling at me and blaming me for killing him and ruining his life for good. Then he'd be sorry and in love, He'd say he didnt mean anything and that he was sorry for freaking out. Every time he said sorry, I believed him. Although each freak out just got worst and worst.
Then finally we became close again. This past week was all with him and I acting as if we were together. Everyday you'd hear at least twice "Ah! You two should date again! Come on!" Then he'd just look at me with those eyes and then say "Nah, we got this." and then put his arm around me and we'd be "Happy".
Untill this morning. He finally said to me; "Mae, I dont want to do this anymore."
He explained himself but I'd rather not have to explain all his reasoning.
Anyways- so why do I still feel all worried about him.
He's supposedly out doing all kinds of shit today.
Drugs like crazy, Alcohol spilling out your ears.
I'm worried. He says I shouldnt be. I say I can't help it.
I know its wrong, but its true- Ignorance is bliss.
I'd rather just not hear about it.
Although I do- just so I know he isnt doing anything drastic like heroin or cocaine.
I just need to know that much.
He's starting to scare me.
really- he is.

I don't know what to do anymore.
I've broken myself again purely based on his inability to handled my fixing myself.

It's a neverending circle, quite vicious.

-Mae